The greatest challenge in a relationship is to learn how to be unconditional. Having expectations and conditions in a relationship is ultimately about being a victim. Every time we catch ourselves complaining - especially about the same thing - we are expecting the other person to make the relationship better. It's very possible that something is not right, but if it is the same issue and it is a source for fighting, being a victim is not going to strengthen the relationship. Being a victim hurts the relationship because it injects the energy of "poor me" which is the opposite of Light.
The powerful thing is to look inward and ask,
What about me can I work on to bring better communication?
There's a kabbalistic concept called receiving for the sake of sharing. There are different ways to express giving. One of them is giving whatever the receiver wants: love, affection, wisdom, lessons, strength, time, energy, money, etc. But there is another way, and that is asking for help and permitting the other person to give, and by doing this, helping them. Often, when we complain, it is not because we care about the other person but rather because we care about ourselves and we are annoyed. Asking is sometimes a way of giving.
I remember a couple who had a big issue about expectations. Perhaps it's more correct to say the wife had expectations, but I couldn't blame her. Her husband worked from home and had issues with organization and tidying up. She complained that he couldn't keep his papers and files in the home office, and they ended up being on the kitchen table, in the bedroom, and anywhere there was unused space in the apartment. Her teacher shared with her this idea, that if she would stop expecting him to clean up, it would seem to her as a gift, and in showing genuine appreciation for her husband's effort for even tidying up minimally, he would be inspired to keep up the good work.
What happens when you ask from the right place, but the other person doesn't really listen or hear? Whenever there is a blockage in the relationship, it's about being able to take care of the need - whatever they say or do - and being in a place where you are offering them an opportunity to go outside of themselves. Is your real intention to help them grow?
Remember, we all have issues. We all have to help each other go outside of ourselves. It's not about being in control of the relationship; it's about injecting Light into the relationship. If the souls are meant to be together, the chemistry and the potential are there. Sometimes, when a person has no desire to change whatsoever, souls are not meant to be together.
The whole concept of being a victim is very strong in relationships and sometimes for all the right reasons. But if we are not increasing Light in the relationship, it is a dead-end. We have two choices -- to be annoyed or to say "What can I do about it". Being stuck in the role of victim will only bring anger and negativity.
